The history of Odessa. About Lenin, Kautsky and the mantis in the bus

Two small almost nonfictional sketches from nature


The bus came a woman with a huge mantis on a leash, which is funny turned his head. The passengers became alarmed. None of course could not determine the gender of the animals. But it is well known that female praying mantis is quite aggressive and can eat their males after mating.

So men, including the bus driver, strongly pretended that the praying mantis as a sexual object they are not interested in. Then one grandma that gender issues are already interested in the least, offered to put God’s creation on his knees. The hostess looked at your pet, but he folded my breast its long handles and negatively shook his head.

But when the bus drove past the Church and the old lady crossed, it is very like a praying mantis, and he (or she) was perched on her knees. Grandma began to quietly throw it on bent legs, to ask how old he is and whether he goes to kindergarten.

Meanwhile, greed overcame fear, and the driver warned the owner of mantis is that the animal will have to pay. In the bus he heard the indignant roar: he’s not even 7 years! But the man behind the wheel turned out to be extremely erudite, announcing to everyone that this is not a child, but a very Mature individual. Then the landlady solemnly pulled the certificate of the participant of hostilities, issued in the name of mantis, which apparently went to her for a reason. The driver pursed his lips and fell silent. Thought for a moment, smiled and vengeful tone said that the way the mantid only through the front door.

I followed them and went down the street of the Transfiguration, where he discovered a new paradox. “You’re going to meet the hottie with the dog, the girl you like more, but first you have to pet the dog.”

However, I too was in the “Gorkovskaya” library to order a book of Karl Kautsky on the ticket.

In the library strict woman who smelled of perfume my kindergarten teacher in kindergarten told me that this book is issued only in the reading room. When I came to the reading room, the other a strict woman with the spirits of my school teacher said I can not give, because it already has.

Then I asked another, much-needed book. But it came out the same problem: someone beat me to the punch, all Kautsky was “hands on”. It happened two more times, in other words, other readers ahead of me and I was about four I’m interested in books.

Finally, I asked the names of these people to ask them for a time these books. Perhaps someone might have agreed with you. I was surprised when it turned out to be one and the same person. It was a girl but her name I don’t know what was said and even more could not help to find it among the other visitors to the reading room.

So I quietly sat down by all the girls, in my opinion, might have been called Anna, and carefully examined their books, stacked piles under the green shades table lamps. I was looking for Kautsky and Anna. Some ignored me, others looked hostile, others who came to the library not only for knowledge, smiled.

I finally found them. The girl I began to mentally call Anna Kautsky. She wrote the essay about the controversy with Kautsky and Lenin. I asked whose side she’s on.

— Kautsky defended democracy, and she is closer to me than a dictatorship.

She had tanned skin, bold eyes and a tight chest, so I invited her to lecture about the debate in the cosy café with bicycles on the streets of Gogol and eat eggnog. Your offer I have to back up a valid argument: the library will soon be closed, and, in the end, the source of all knowledge is within us.

— We will carry on a conversation, you’ll Kautsky, and I Lenin.

For the beginning of two great social Democrat ordered two “drunk” eggnog.

After Vladimir Lenin and Karl Kautsky were treated to coffee with brandy, their conversation took on a more friendly character.

After a glass of fragrant cherry Carl even stopped to take offense to the fact that it occasionally referred to as renegade, but only laughed and asked Vladimir, how is Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya.

Having received the answer that they are no longer together, Carl seemed pleased and offered to continue the conversation at his house.

After the first kiss in the hallway Karl asked Vladimir to migrate their dictatorial to bed. Vladimir promised that this night he will be the an ardent Democrat, but the next night he did not intend to give up the joys of totalitarianism…

When I woke up this morning from the sound of music, then saw that Anna was walking around the apartment done naked. In the absence of such interesting men of the white spots on the map, I realized that the ultraviolet light has covered it all either in the Solarium or on a nudist beach near the Chkalovsky sanatorium. I asked her why she doesn’t dress.

— One of my friend the artist once said: “I know why the painting of Botticelli’s Venus modestly covering her bosom. Apparently, this is the only place that it is not perfect.”

“So, Chkalovsky beach”, I thought.

When we said goodbye she thanked me.

— That’s right — a smug smile, I replied.